Voices in the Head

// jus to inaugurate... here's an old but favorite entry of mine

// dedicated to all my boys .. luv y'all .. Really ;)




15th september, 07

since i'm supposed to be holed up in my room studying...i've spent the past few days revisiting every one of my semi-hobbies .. and have atlast whittled down to... Writing

so i'm gonna write ... about you ask? ..well .. just stuff ...

nothing significant... come to think of it .. nothing i write is specifically significant... significant to me who is the central and dramatic protagonist in the great tragedy/comedy of my own life .. but noone else ...so to speak..

so why do we write? out of an innate need to vent? show off? please ones ego? ..all three?

a written word is not a conversation or an argument .. where one can oppose us .. or prove us wrong.. in that i suppose writing is sort of an indulgence .. of the big fat triple-tiered frosting-covered chocolate cake kind...

alright .. so we write self appeasing diary entries.. why write stories at all? .. go to all the pain of making up situations ..characters.. plots.. subplots ..and all that fuss ..for what?

so that we can say things that we cant say.. or atleast dont want to say ..

------its not a personal opinion you see.. its just what the character dictated i write --------

thats escapism ... writer's weakness..

and for me ..its a slightly different deal ... i write to give voice to few of the voices in my head ..
yep .. i said voices .. voices belonging to people .. with distinct personalities .. no distinct names though .. havent taken that final step towards insanity ..

right.. so these voices .. they each think that they deserve to run my life.. their life.. our life.. bleargh .. alright .. this life .. according their whims and fancies ... and quite predictably .. disagree on how thats done quite often...

from the men i like .. to the clothes i wear ( Not in order of importance) ..and if at all i make a decision about anything.. its cuz i was lucky enough to have a majority vote ...of course majority vote means only the decisions.. the day-to-day affairs are still torn and rent with confusion and arguments that stretch from here to atlanta ………...its i-like-him today .. and ohmygodwatwasithinking tommorrow... and 'aww he's not so bad' the next day ..and 'why're you in a pity relationship you moron' the next... and so on for a few weeks.. until I ( I being the sane stolid ...alright alright .. the somewhat reflective and trying to be responsible central self) decide to have some backbone and put an end to this farce..

-- move to flashback scene in the distant past when i still dated--

Me1 : thatsiti'mbreakingup...thereheisi'mgonnatellhim

Me2 : oh oh oh wait ... he's got something shiny in his hand...

Me3 : [insert male name] (cuz i dont wanna get sued/beaten up by goondas sent by above-implied ex-boyfriend), tell me that's not a swarovski pendant ..

BOY : *deep male voice laughs* It is my dear [sugary sweet endearment] ! :D (Me1: urghh i cant stand those and he uses em ALL the time)...

Me3: but .. but..

Me1 : oh shuttup you idiot .. take the damn box and kiss his silly mouth shut before he starts honeybun-ing sweetheart-ing all over again

Me3 : but ... i dont even Like him!!

Me1 : That dint stop you from kissing him before!

Me3 : I meant the pendant! Not the kissing!

Me2 : oh .. ok .. right

Me1 : eitherways… So?

Me2 : Actually.. yea..... your point being?

Me3 : its not fair!

Me1 : Since when are you Fair?!! Anyways ..what he doesnt know cant hurt him.. 'honey' ...

Me3 : oh shutup

Me2 : listen.. you're still the girlfriend right? .. you dint cheat on him or anything did you ..? .. how does it matter if deep down you dont like him a little(ermm.. hehERMM) bit?.. and You! .. shut UP for a while alright?

Me1 : okay.. okayy ... relax you madwoman...

Me3 : uhm...well in that case...

BOY : uh sesh , [insert endearment] (eww!) (oi ..be nice!),... are you alright honey, my [grosser endearment] (EWW!) (EWW! i agree! who Says that anymore?!!..eww..eww)... ?..you look distracted..

Me3 : oh.. its nothing .. i'm ..fine.. jus a lil headache thats all.. that pendant is Adorable ..you really shouldnt have ... i cant accept..

Me1 : damnitwoman...Thats not your line!!

Me3 : i kno i'm sorry .. kinda slipped out ..

BOY: what rubbish sesh! .. its yours. period...Now.. where were we ....

*ehmm.. snogging ensues*

--- end of flashback---

so this is the big secret ... the secret of why i cant have a relationship with anyone ... there's always someone (in me) who hates him..or detests him ..or is repulsed by the way he eats his eggs ... or..you get the picture..

so if any of my men happen to read this ... this is the point where they go ... Oh..Thats why she acts so crazy all the time!..if they havent already figured out that is .. and being men... well...