to laugh.. or not to laugh...

I like my sense of humor.

Sure ..it’s a little over-developed and all too easily triggered by the first passing pig in a wig .. but hey we aren’t all perfect. And when it comes to laughs, more is definitely less.

But even I’ve got to admit that it gets pretty puerile once in a while.

Typically… In moments when I can’t really afford it to be.

I’m sure you’ve had one of these moments .. when your boss/professor/person-in-authority-who’s-a-pain-in-the-ass is on one of those ballistic rants which you’re on the receiving end of… and suddenly something they say strikes you as the funniest thing ever .. for a reason known only to yourself (and your imaginary friends..if you had any) and you really, really want to burst out laughing that very moment… but can’t because its suicide of the bad kind ( i.e without the sweet release of death)

Well this is about one of those times.

Except it doesn’t involve my boss or professor or dad.

It involves.. this boy.. whom I can’t name..

So lets just call him.. Notch.

Now .. Notch … was nice .. in parts .. ( read – nice to parts of me )

And he was busy being nice to me one day .. and all was gloriously well.

Until he suddenly leaned close .. and whispered to me .. huskily…

…….. say my name…….

Where any Normal brain would’ve just said ‘oh notch! Oh yeah’ and so on and so forth..

I start to imagine

Hmm what’ll his face his look like if I said

ohh yeah venkatagopalanagasubramaniamlu ! give it to me baby ;)

consequently..I burst out laughing but immediately and prudently control it .. and so it ends up sounding like a choked gurgle..and before he looks up and suspects that I’m actually laughing at him.. I quickly improvise .. recall meg ryan’s amazing ‘faking it’ scene from harry met sally for inspiration .. and manage to blurt out a believable breathy ‘oh notch!’

Dear, sweet, clueless Notch smiles sexily at me and goes back to being nice.

Various thoughts ran thru my head .. such as...

1.Hurrah! …

2.that was close!

3.Hahahahahaha!

4.Oh yeahh notch..do that again

5.Is it normal to be so distracted think so much..while u're.. umm..u know..?

6.Omg! Hilarious!.. I so wanna tell [list of girlfriends] ! ..oh wait.. I’ll blog about it :D

Ergo. This blogpost. * insert smiley with a halo *

Voices in the Head

// jus to inaugurate... here's an old but favorite entry of mine

// dedicated to all my boys .. luv y'all .. Really ;)




15th september, 07

since i'm supposed to be holed up in my room studying...i've spent the past few days revisiting every one of my semi-hobbies .. and have atlast whittled down to... Writing

so i'm gonna write ... about you ask? ..well .. just stuff ...

nothing significant... come to think of it .. nothing i write is specifically significant... significant to me who is the central and dramatic protagonist in the great tragedy/comedy of my own life .. but noone else ...so to speak..

so why do we write? out of an innate need to vent? show off? please ones ego? ..all three?

a written word is not a conversation or an argument .. where one can oppose us .. or prove us wrong.. in that i suppose writing is sort of an indulgence .. of the big fat triple-tiered frosting-covered chocolate cake kind...

alright .. so we write self appeasing diary entries.. why write stories at all? .. go to all the pain of making up situations ..characters.. plots.. subplots ..and all that fuss ..for what?

so that we can say things that we cant say.. or atleast dont want to say ..

------its not a personal opinion you see.. its just what the character dictated i write --------

thats escapism ... writer's weakness..

and for me ..its a slightly different deal ... i write to give voice to few of the voices in my head ..
yep .. i said voices .. voices belonging to people .. with distinct personalities .. no distinct names though .. havent taken that final step towards insanity ..

right.. so these voices .. they each think that they deserve to run my life.. their life.. our life.. bleargh .. alright .. this life .. according their whims and fancies ... and quite predictably .. disagree on how thats done quite often...

from the men i like .. to the clothes i wear ( Not in order of importance) ..and if at all i make a decision about anything.. its cuz i was lucky enough to have a majority vote ...of course majority vote means only the decisions.. the day-to-day affairs are still torn and rent with confusion and arguments that stretch from here to atlanta ………...its i-like-him today .. and ohmygodwatwasithinking tommorrow... and 'aww he's not so bad' the next day ..and 'why're you in a pity relationship you moron' the next... and so on for a few weeks.. until I ( I being the sane stolid ...alright alright .. the somewhat reflective and trying to be responsible central self) decide to have some backbone and put an end to this farce..

-- move to flashback scene in the distant past when i still dated--

Me1 : thatsiti'mbreakingup...thereheisi'mgonnatellhim

Me2 : oh oh oh wait ... he's got something shiny in his hand...

Me3 : [insert male name] (cuz i dont wanna get sued/beaten up by goondas sent by above-implied ex-boyfriend), tell me that's not a swarovski pendant ..

BOY : *deep male voice laughs* It is my dear [sugary sweet endearment] ! :D (Me1: urghh i cant stand those and he uses em ALL the time)...

Me3: but .. but..

Me1 : oh shuttup you idiot .. take the damn box and kiss his silly mouth shut before he starts honeybun-ing sweetheart-ing all over again

Me3 : but ... i dont even Like him!!

Me1 : That dint stop you from kissing him before!

Me3 : I meant the pendant! Not the kissing!

Me2 : oh .. ok .. right

Me1 : eitherways… So?

Me2 : Actually.. yea..... your point being?

Me3 : its not fair!

Me1 : Since when are you Fair?!! Anyways ..what he doesnt know cant hurt him.. 'honey' ...

Me3 : oh shutup

Me2 : listen.. you're still the girlfriend right? .. you dint cheat on him or anything did you ..? .. how does it matter if deep down you dont like him a little(ermm.. hehERMM) bit?.. and You! .. shut UP for a while alright?

Me1 : okay.. okayy ... relax you madwoman...

Me3 : uhm...well in that case...

BOY : uh sesh , [insert endearment] (eww!) (oi ..be nice!),... are you alright honey, my [grosser endearment] (EWW!) (EWW! i agree! who Says that anymore?!!..eww..eww)... ?..you look distracted..

Me3 : oh.. its nothing .. i'm ..fine.. jus a lil headache thats all.. that pendant is Adorable ..you really shouldnt have ... i cant accept..

Me1 : damnitwoman...Thats not your line!!

Me3 : i kno i'm sorry .. kinda slipped out ..

BOY: what rubbish sesh! .. its yours. period...Now.. where were we ....

*ehmm.. snogging ensues*

--- end of flashback---

so this is the big secret ... the secret of why i cant have a relationship with anyone ... there's always someone (in me) who hates him..or detests him ..or is repulsed by the way he eats his eggs ... or..you get the picture..

so if any of my men happen to read this ... this is the point where they go ... Oh..Thats why she acts so crazy all the time!..if they havent already figured out that is .. and being men... well...